I have a bone to pick with you, Jim.
This was supposed to be a fantastic Labour Weekend. All last week you were assuring us that, unlike Labour weekends of years past, this one was really going to be one out of the box. A massive high-pressure system was headed our way across the Tasman, and given the favourable conditions it was going to anchor over the whole of New Zealand for the whole three day weekend. Bear in mind that due to the vaguaries of the New Zealand Holiday Act three day weekends have been in short supply this year and the last one was in June. So we’re taking a long time between drinks here.
Yes, we know that it’s difficult to get accurate weather forecasts for New Zealand. As NIWA has explained, we’re a long, thin landmass nestled in the ’Roaring 40s’ and conditions can be very unpredictable. The Finn Brothers even sang that we really can have ‘four seasons in one day’. That’s why the guys at the Met Office get you to throw in a few caveats with every forecast, just to cover yourselves. You know, like “Mainly fine apart from occasional showers”, ”Settled conditions, becoming changeable in the afternoon”, that sort of thing. But Jim, you really did it this time. All last week you told us it was going to be fantabulous, amazing, incredible weather over most of the country all weekend. And all right, over much of the country you got it right. But guess where you didn’t?
Sure, as the old saying goes, “you can’t beat Wellington on a good day”. That’s absolutely true. But Wellington didn't even get ONE good day on this Labour-Weekend-to-beat-all-Labour-Weekends. Saturday was overcast and drab. It was worse than that on Sunday, Jim. And it didn't get any better on Monday. Maybe the sun was shining in other parts of the country but it sure as hell wasn’t shining in one part of the country for the whole three days. In fact if only brightened up this afternoon. And that fact even made the Six O’Clock News Hour!
We’re understanding folk here in Wellington, Jim. We understand that some factors are simply beyond your control and you can’t always get it right. We understand that you’re a ’Naki boy at heart who has been forced to work in the Big Smoke up north. Do yourself a favour, next time you think you see a fantabulous long weekend coming up, play it safe and leave yourself a little wriggle room. Who knows, we may all be pleasantly surprised!
Yes, this month it happened. As of 1st July 2010 Godzone becomes a world leader... again. We are one of the first, if not the first country to have a fully-functional, albeit very watered-down ETS.
For those that I have lost already, an ETS is an Emissions Trading Scheme. And, to quickly recap on an earlier article in this blog, an Emissions Trading Scheme is a means of penalising those that emit so-called ‘greenhouse gases’ that are, apparently, making the Earth warmer. Just how the Earth is supposed to be getting warmer I have no idea, if I look out the window into a Wellington winter I can see little evidence of it, but apparently it’s happening. Somewhere.
So, like other countries, New Zealand has to make a contribution to combat this. We produce something like 0.2% of global emissions, so if we slap a levy on anybody that drives a car, uses electric power, hops on a plane or lights a fire that should take care of that part of the problem. We also need to do something about all the agricultural ruminants out there but the Agricultural Belch Tax part of the equation (also mistakenly called the ‘fart tax’) doesn’t come into effect until around 2015.
So by 2015 a whole heap of money will be siphoned out of the local economy and sent... where exactly?
Apparently it’s going to be used to buy ‘Carbon Credits’. A Carbon Credit is an intangible thing. You can’t see it or feel it. It makes no noise and the average person wouldn’t know one if he fell over it in the street. I have no idea who sells them, though I know he’s going to become very rich. And apparently if you buy one of these things you’re saving the world.
They say some joker from the Beehive called Nick Smith is busy right now working on a ‘charm offensive’ that may explain the ETS better than I can. Call me a cynic, but somehow I doubt it.
For the last five days, the Dominion Post has been regaling us with the delights of the elusive Wellington Summer. Since the beginning of December the East Coast of of the North Island of New Zealand has been buffeted by winds while the West Coast has been subjected to torrential rain. Wellington, being at the southernmost extremity of the North Island, has copped the lot.
This is not to say that we have not had days with sunshine. In fact, the sun is shining right now. And we should be thankful that this morning’s gale force nor-westers have abated to a more sedate 20-30 knots, only occasionally gusting to 55. Windburn is so much more healthier than sunburn, at least there’s no risk of skin cancer.
We went for a family bike ride along the Hutt River Trail on January the 1st. Heading south, we set a cracking pace that any self-respecting motorcross rider would be hard pressed to beat. Coming back, however, was a different story – a long, slow drag at walking speed. In fact I’m sure that we did end up walking part of the way. We then went out to a family picnic in ‘sub-tropical’ Upper Hutt. We huddled low to the ground to keep out of the wind. My sunburn still stings (no kidding)...
This, we have just been informed by the experts in the Met Office, is an ‘El Nino’ summer.
The majority of New Zealanders first heard of the ‘El Nino’ effect on the Southern Oscillation in the early eighties. Apparently warmer-than-normal ocean water off the Columbian, Ecuadorian and Peruvian coasts of South America and cooling ocean water around Indonesia and the Indian Ocean means that New Zealanders can realistically forget about summer this year. No camping this summer holidays, no barbecues on the beach – that’s it. The effect that ‘El Nino’ has on the New Zealand weather pattern means that it’s wetter than normal to the north of the country, drier than normal in the east, and as for the south and west, forget it. Oh, and then there's the wind (did I mention the wind?).
‘El Nino’ is apparently a Hispanic expression that means ‘Christ Child’. This name is applied to the Southern Oscillation because the onset of this climactic event is normally around Christmas time. The counterpoint of ‘El Nino’ is the much more agreeable ‘La Nina’, which we can expect in three or four summers time. Or not.
And there was I thinking that they would blame it on global warming...
This post is about the evils of Global Warming, the impending doom of the planet Earth and the New Zealand Government’s much-debated Emission Trading Scheme.
From my (limited) perspective there are three main considerations:
The people that are going to become extremely rich are those people that are, at this very moment, busy establishing the global Carbon Trading markets. To offset our impending doom, along with the destruction of the planet and the end of life on Earth as we know it, all global citizens involved in activities that produce carbon emissions will very shortly need to purchase ‘carbon credits’ to offset the alleged ‘damage’ that their activities cause. Just how these individuals purchase these carbon credits depends upon their individual governments. For instance you might pay for your Carbon Credits through a direct tax on carbon emitting activities (such as a levy on the price of a litre of petrol when you fill your car). Or Governments themselves may choose to part-subsidise these activities, in which case you will pay when you pay your income tax or any other tax they choose to apply it to. Either way, it’s the individuals that will end up paying for this.
The thing is, when the New Zealand Government brought into the Kyoto protocol, they thought they were onto a winner. With our small population New Zealand contributes a minimal amount to global carbon emissions. And don’t forget about the acres of forestry throughout the country. Trees are ‘carbon sinks’ – which meant that other countries should have been paying New Zealand to offset their own carbon emissions. But the New Zealand Government very stupidly forgot about the local livestock. The ruminants found in rural environments throughout the country fart and belch methane – a ‘greenhouse gas’ that makes up roughly half of New Zealand’s total emissions. And so, having read the small print, we now have to find a way to pay for these livestock emissions as well. At the time a direct ‘fart tax’ on farmers was considered, but is has since been pointed out that ruminants tend to belch methane rather than fart. However ‘belch taxes’ have not yet been ruled out.
So with the current downfall of the Global Financial Markets and the requirement some of the big wheels formerly working there to find alternative employment we now have a new industry of global markets specialising in the trading of carbon credits, and vast sums of money are about to change hands. But what I’d really like to know, and if I play my cards right I might get to the point sometime, is once the taxes have been paid, and the carbon credits have been purchased and you’re all set to crank up your coal-fired power station, stoke up the old barbie or let rip with the V8, what happens to the money?
I have a sneaking suspicion that it will end up earning interest for these Carbon Exchange Traders in a Cayman Islands or a Swiss bank account.
Just how is this supposed to save the planet? I have absolutely no idea. Presumably this small detail is still being figured out. But my gut feeling at this point in time is that we’ve all been had!
Another infamous Wellington southerly hitting the coast close to the airport... it don’t stop them flying but it makes takeoff and landing time much more interesting! It’s official. This has got to be the crappiest winter on record.
Heard on the news earlier this week, during an almost unprecedented break in the weather, that if our bodies are telling us that winter is nearly over, normally that would be right – it’s been about three months. Unfortunately as winter came in a month earlier than normal this year the reality is that, based on the seasonal norms, we are actually only half way through winter. So the word from the boys at the Met office is, hunker down and expect more of the same!
And what a winter it’s been! Even HRH Queen Elizabeth is aware that her loyal subjects in Godzone are not having the best of weather. My personal experience has been that I’ve only had to mow the lawns once in three months (and that was really just a quick tidy up, they could have done another two months at least as most of them are still under water) and the dogs have taken to swimming out to do their business before coming in with hypothermia. We’ve had a succession of gale-force southerlies blowing straight off the South Pole and it’s been icy cold for months.
Even the Government’s got in on the act. Apparently the problem is that when we all first colonised the place we made the mistake of thinking that this was a ‘temperate’ climate (European settlers weren’t the first – the Maoris, and the Morioris before them obviously thought the same thing or they wouldn’t have stopped here. I wonder how they coped without polypropylene?). Anyway, the story is that’s why we built all these quaint little wooden houses with absolutely no insulation qualities. Seriously, in Petone (which is where some of the first European settlers landed) the wind blows in straight off the South Pole and the average house is colder inside than outside. So what we need to do, and John Key and his mates in the Beehive are going to help us out here, is insulate all our houses to 1st World standards.
The story is, if your house is over 10 years old the Government will give you money towards under-floor insulation, ceiling insulation, wall insulation, heat pumps, you name it! And they’ll help you out with finance for the rest. Which is not only good news for the average house owner, it’s also great for those people who want to get into the insulation retrofitting and heat pump installation industry! It’s even got residential property investors smiling, they can increase the value of their housing portfolio and get a Government handout. All in all, in these recessionary times, it’s a great thing.
Our house doesn’t qualify however, because it was built after Y2K (remember Y2K?). Which normally wouldn't have worried me. You see, our house meets modern insulation standards. Since we moved in here we’ve always said that it’s a warm house. Sure, it’s made of wood, not brick or concrete or stone. It doesn’t have double glazing. But it’s well insulated. And it’s well designed for this location. It takes full advantage of passive solar heating. It has a large, north facing roof what heats up like you wouldn’t believe when then sun’s out. Any little ray of sunshine warms the cavernous roofspace and is then pumped down and circulated through the house. We’ve had quite a few winters here and never found it that cold.
Except for the last three months we’ve had bugger-all sun.
So bring on your global warming. I can’t wait!
