50 years of the Mini!

After 50 years why do people still love the Mini? What was the thinking behind Alec Issigonis’ ground-breaking design? How can you fit four full-sized adults in a car with an overall length of just 10'? This short documentary (just under 16 minutes) answers these questions – and others. Well worth a look (well, I think so anyway)...

Exams

It’s that time of the year again... more words of wisdom from Mr John Clarke, AKA Fred Dagg...

I suppose there are some of you out there working up to sitting exams of one sort or another and I’d just like to say that all my sympathies go with you, in fact I even had to sit an exam myself once. I didn’t do particularly well because I had a bit of a headache - the night before I’d been rubbing a bit of brandy into my brain to settle the nerves a bit and I think it might have got away on me.

I thought the questions were very difficult, actually it was a maths exam and I never was very smart with numbers. In fact I wasn’t even supposed to be doing the maths exam, but I’d fronted up on the wrong day and once I was through the door they wouldn’t let me out for a few hours.

The first question was all about calculating the compound interest travelling at the speed of light past three men who took four days to mow a lawn of six acres. Well, as you can understand, I didn’t see the answer leaping off the paper and hitting me between the eyes, so I sat back and delivered my old favourite, an essay on what I did in the holidays. Then I got down on the floor and snuck off home. I got four percent for that exam. They said I’d got the answer wrong, but they gave me a couple of points for my reasoning, which was interesting because when I sat the English exam I wrote the same essay and got three percent.

So it’s really just a matter of luck, so keep at it and try to avoid getting headaches of the kind I mentioned before.

Global Warming - some more key facts

This post is about the evils of Global Warming, the impending doom of the planet Earth and the New Zealand Government’s much-debated Emission Trading Scheme.

From my (limited) perspective there are three main considerations:

• The global climate is definitely changing. Polar ice sheets are retreating, glacial melt is accelerating and there are more extreme ‘weather events’.
• The extent of man’s contribution to this has not yet been determined. There have been other great climactic changes in Earth’s history. It is possible that man made activities are making things worse, or not.
• A lot of people are getting set to become extremely rich because of global warming.

The people that are going to become extremely rich are those people that are, at this very moment, busy establishing the global Carbon Trading markets. To offset our impending doom, along with the destruction of the planet and the end of life on Earth as we know it, all global citizens involved in activities that produce carbon emissions will very shortly need to purchase ‘carbon credits’ to offset the alleged ‘damage’ that their activities cause. Just how these individuals purchase these carbon credits depends upon their individual governments. For instance you might pay for your Carbon Credits through a direct tax on carbon emitting activities (such as a levy on the price of a litre of petrol when you fill your car). Or Governments themselves may choose to part-subsidise these activities, in which case you will pay when you pay your income tax or any other tax they choose to apply it to. Either way, it’s the individuals that will end up paying for this.

The thing is, when the New Zealand Government brought into the Kyoto protocol, they thought they were onto a winner. With our small population New Zealand contributes a minimal amount to global carbon emissions. And don’t forget about the acres of forestry throughout the country. Trees are ‘carbon sinks’ – which meant that other countries should have been paying New Zealand to offset their own carbon emissions. But the New Zealand Government very stupidly forgot about the local livestock. The ruminants found in rural environments throughout the country fart and belch methane – a ‘greenhouse gas’ that makes up roughly half of New Zealand’s total emissions. And so, having read the small print, we now have to find a way to pay for these livestock emissions as well. At the time a direct ‘fart tax’ on farmers was considered, but is has since been pointed out that ruminants tend to belch methane rather than fart. However ‘belch taxes’ have not yet been ruled out.

So with the current downfall of the Global Financial Markets and the requirement some of the big wheels formerly working there to find alternative employment we now have a new industry of global markets specialising in the trading of carbon credits, and vast sums of money are about to change hands. But what I’d really like to know, and if I play my cards right I might get to the point sometime, is once the taxes have been paid, and the carbon credits have been purchased and you’re all set to crank up your coal-fired power station, stoke up the old barbie or let rip with the V8, what happens to the money?

I have a sneaking suspicion that it will end up earning interest for these Carbon Exchange Traders in a Cayman Islands or a Swiss bank account.

Just how is this supposed to save the planet? I have absolutely no idea. Presumably this small detail is still being figured out. But my gut feeling at this point in time is that we’ve all been had!

Talk to the Pod – New iPod feature!

I see that the new range of iPods are packed with new features. OK, I already knew that the iPod was much more than a simple MP3 player – the iPod Touch had WI-FI capability and I knew that you could download movies and play them on many iPods. I can see how far the iPod has come from the first 5MB ‘classic’ iPod. Since then, of course, we've had the iPod Mini, the iPod Nano, bigger and bigger capacity ‘Classic’ iPods and, of course, the iPod Touch, as already mentioned.

Some people have had their gripes about the iPod, a major one, surprisingly, being the lack of a radio tuner. Well, seeing as Steve Jobs was involved in the project from the start, perhaps this isn’t so surprising. After all, this is the man who turned Apple around in 1998 with the iMac – an all-in-one desktop computer that, thanks to Jobs’ purity of vision, lacked a floppy disk drive because floppy disks were inefficient, held a mere 1MB of data (and if you wanted to transfer a file smaller than 1MB there were better ways to do it), were unreliable and prone to errors (you can’t seriously be thinking of backing up on this, can you?) and, compared to CD media, they were expensive. So following that rationale, if you were the proud owner of a shiny new iPod with a playlist of all your all-time favourite music at your disposal, why would you want to be listening to the radio anyway? Answer, you wouldn’t. Right?

Well, this generation of iPods includes a radio tuner. And that’s not all. Amongst a host of new features I see the new generation iPod Nano even includes a video camera – although why you would want to make a video on an 8 or 16GB MP3 player escapes me. The only thing I think Apple could add to the mix now is a mobile phone – oh hold on a minute, that would be the iPhone (which also, coincidentally, browses the web, includes games and even plays MP3 files...)

So Apple, where to from here?

Actually there is one other feature that would be very useful. If you do an internet search on ‘iPod’ and ‘hearing loss’ you will find thousands of pages confirming what has long been suspected including this one from as early as 2005 – iPods, along with other portable music players that include earbuds that fit inside the ear canal are a very real contributor to hearing loss. In fact it is recommended that users listen to these devices for no longer than 60 minutes a day, at less than 60% of full volume. Greater exposure can cause permanent hearing loss in the middle ranges.

But try pointing this out to your kids and they just don’t want to know. In fact, when they have their iPods in it’s very hard to talk to them at all...

Which is why I suggest that future iPods should also include a very essential feature to compensate for the hearing loss of the iPod generation – an inbuilt hearing aid!

Lockie’s Bel Air

To me, this car personifies the excesses of 1950s American automotive design. Larger and lower than the classic ’57 model, the 1958 Bel Air dripped chrome. The heavy bodywork sat on top of a massive ‘X’ framed chassis and the whole car just floated over any irregularities in the road surface.

I was introduced to Lockie during my third form year. A friend who knew about my interest in aircraft took me to meet the elderly West Coaster, who had served with the RNZAF in the Solomon Islands as a navigator on PBY5 Catalina flying boats during the Second World War. Born and bred in Reefton, Lockie was driving a Rover P6 at the time, but he was a Chev man through and through. He didn’t like the Rover (“Poms can’t build a motor car, you need to be a contortionist to get into it”) and used to talk fondly of the Chevrolet cars that he had owned, particularly of “Old Goldie”, the 1958 Chev Biscayne with the Blue Flame motor.

A few years later during the school holidays Lockie phoned up one morning and told me that I had to get over there. “I’ve brought myself a Motor Car!” he exclaimed. And that’s all he said. He wouldn‘t tell me any more over the phone so I biked over at top speed, arriving to find the largest car I had ever seen sitting on the back lawn. Lockie was delighted with his buy, even though he said it meant that he would be living on bread and dripping for the forseeable future. He promptly presented me with the key. “Take it for a drive” he urged me.

I‘d never driven column shift before but could recall a friend’s older brother, who had an HD Holden sedan, showing me how it all worked. So I jumped in the car, crossed my fingers and off I went. I turned the key and the small block V8 started up, rolling the bodywork on its springs as I nudged the throttle. To a 17 year old, this was an unforgettable experience. What a contrast to Mum’s Morris 1300 – I was hooked!

During the time that Lockie owned the car I regularly got to drive it. Whenever I was finished I would reverse it into the garage so that the wall of chrome at the front was showing. Lockie even urged me to take it to school one day as he was sure this would do my mana no end of good, though I never took him up on the offer. Which is not to say that I didn’t attract attention from other sources. Such as the traffic cop who pulled me over when I had gone down to the dairy to get Lockie some milk (as I’d called in on my way back from school I was dressed in my school uniform) and asked me if I owned this car? When I stated truthfully that I didn’t and explained who the owner was I then had to wait while the MOT officer got on the radio to verify my story. Personally I think he had stopped me because he wanted to have a good look at the Chev!

But sadly Lockie didn’t get the same fun out of the Bel Air that I did. A fall that he had some years earlier had damaged his spinal cord, leaving him with a loss of mobility and a withered left arm, and he had difficulty working the column shift. And when a relative in the motor trade offered to swap the Bel Air for his 1966 Impala, complete with automatic transmission, Lockie accepted. But to me, it was never the same.

All that I have left of the Bel Air is the newspaper advertisement from when Lockie brought it. The headline reads A Piece of History and I see that the asking price was $3,500. While researching this illustration, I was amazed to find the same Bel Air on TradeMe, where it is listed for $35,000, which to me is a great return on investment! All these years later the upholstery is well worn but there are only a couple of signs of rust in the door panels.

Just goes to show, as the saying goes, “old Chevys never die...”

Super City or Super Lemon?

I’m consistently amused by all the goings-on north of the Bombay Hills.

The latest Super City fracas is the most current entertainment. Actually I think it’s a great idea. We have a long history of over-representation and over-government (we still have far too many clowns in the big house in Wellington, most of whom are there not to represent their constituents but simply to make up the numbers and follow the party line). But as far as Local Bodies go, why do we need seven local bodies to make up Greater Auckland – and while I’m at it, with roughly a third the population of Greater Auckland why does the Greater Wellington region need six local bodies to look after our needs and wishes?

Now I’d be the first to say that this needs to be done right. You can’t have some Super-Mayor calling the shots for his cronies at the expense of everybody else. And I am concerned that this is exactly what would happen if the current Mayor of Jafaville, Banksy, got his hands on the wheel. Banksy, who is definitely of the opinion that being Mayor of Auckland City means that he is the Greater Power, seems to think that he has the automatic right to be Mayor of Auckland Super City. And sorry Banksy mate, I don’t think that’s necessarily the best call. It’s undemocratic, for a start. And democracy at Local Body level definitely matters.

We have Local Body elections every three years. And while I feel it’s important that I vote (I mean, these clowns are going to be spending my money for the next three years) nine times out of ten, try as I may, I don’t have a clue who, or what, I’m voting for and how it’s going to affect my life. Having to vote for up to twenty Councillers, District Health Board Members, Greater Wellington Regional Council Members doesn’t mean anything to most of us. They may live down the road, have 2.5 children and a pet iguana but what are they going to do once in office? There again they also say you have to be fairly warped to run for Local Government in the first place. Of course we have a lot of that going on in Central Government as well, half the clowns there we never hear of until Election Year cones around and then the ones with the high profiles or the ones that are not going to sneak in the back door on the party list all put their hands up, so we could do with a bit of rationalization in that area as well.

Ideally centralising Local Body affairs would cut out a lot of dead wood, not to mention cutting costs through elimination of duplication of resources. And hopefully with fewer, higher-profile candidates, we might get to know a bit more about them and what they really stand for. In the best of worlds they might actually be accountable to their constituents, of course this is probably hoping too much.

But what has really intrigued me about Auckland’s progression to Super City is this business about Maori Seats. It took the MP for Local Government Rodney 'Perkbuster' Hide threatening to throw his toys out of the sandpit to force the National Party’s hand to say, even at this early stage in proceedings, that it’s not going to happen. And now the Dr. Pita Sharples of the Maori Party is up in arms. “No special Maori seats on the council? That’s not democratic!”

Now excuse me Dr. Sharples. But this is democracy in its purest form. It’s not as if we’re saying that Maori can’t stand for the Super Council. In fact, what we are saying is that if a Maori candidate comes forward is the best person for the job everybody will vote for him (or her). You won’t need to be on the Maori roll, or stand as the token Maori candidate! And that, Dr. Sharples, is what democracy is really about!

Give it back!

While it’s long been suspected that our politicians have only their own best interests at heart, this new spirit of ‘openness and transparency’ over Parliamentary expenses has been a shock to us all.

For the first time NZ taxpayers can see some of the costs associated with the traditional ‘rorting the system’ that has gone on since time immemorial in Parliament. No wonder Deputy Prime Minister Bill ‘We must all tighten our belts’ English has moved to repay just over half of the $24,000 that taxpayers have paid him to live in his own Wellington home for the last six months! While this action was taken after days of English asserting that his expense claims were completely legal, in the middle of a global economic downturn there were much more important things that a Finance Minister should be worried about, with redundancies and cost cutting across all sectors of the economy (including Government departments, but apparently excluding the Government itself) this was a really bad look. However other MPs from all political patries are ‘hanging tough’. They continue to live in taxpayer-funded Ministerial residences or claiming accommodation expenses while renting out their Wellington properties, sometimes to other MPs (who, of course, get an accommodation subsidy)! It all looks like an incredibly cosy, taxpayer-funded money-go-round

ACT MP Sir Roger Douglas is the toughest nut to crack. Originally touted as one of Parliament’s ‘Perk Busters’, ‘Roger the Dodger’ has attempted to justify the use of taxpayer subsidies for travel expenses associated with a trip he took, together with his wife, to England to see his grandchildren. He justifies the expense claim by pointing out that as a result of his time spent serving the public as a politician he is legally entitled to ‘Roger’ the public to the tune of a 90% subsidy of international travel expenses. While it may be legal, in the present economic climate it is certainly not moral. When even backbench MPs earn at least three times the average annual wage, plus expenses and a gold-plated, taxpayer-subsidised superannuation scheme, there is certainly no need for politicians to expect the taxpayer to stump up for their holidays as well. At the present time many taxpayers can only dream about overseas holidays, a fact which has definitely depressed the local travel industry!

Which brings us to the Philip Field affair. Once a promising young MP from the Pacific Islands, Field has just been found guilty of accepting bribes and of corruption. He got a Taiwanese tiler, along with other Asian tradespeople, to work on his properties in Auckland and Samoa on the understanding that he would use his influence to get them New Zealand residency. He could get up to six year’s imprisonment, however under the current regime his wife is still entitled to all his perks as an Ex-MP.

It’s time all Politicians, of all political persuasion, got their snouts out of the public trough and smelt the coffee! Which is why I think the Tom Scott cartoon shows the hypocrisy associated with politics so well! (Is it any wonder we loathe them?)